The Return of BS Conspiracy Theories About Gnosticism

One of my pet peeves (well actually more like “existential horror reaction”) is that if you Google anything about Gnosticism you have an extremely high probability of getting result after result of conspiracy theories. This unfortunate association of anything Gnostic with utter nuttery is not exactly fantastic for building a movement and furthering the restoration of Gnosticism to this world.

So, that’s why I enjoy periodically collecting up some of the ridiculous conspiracies that people connect to Gnosticism (check out the previous posts here and here), and here are some new ones for your “enjoyment.”

It’s All About Literal Brain Worms

I’m kind of fond of this one because (that is, if I wasn’t a good and holy man who never says anything bad about anyone) my fav insult is “they have brain worms.”

Well, turns out, there are some who think what Gnosticism is about is literal hyper-intelligent parisitic worms that crawl into people’s brains and calcify their pituarity glands/third eye so that the populance can’t see THE TRUTH, MAN.

These worms are the Archons from the Gnostic scriptures, many of whom are depicted as snakes or dragons, and the teachings on this world being one of falsehood are about the worms screwing with our minds. I suppose in these posts, I should be not just be listing these conspiracy theories but also debunking them but… do I really have to explain why this is wrong?!


The Gnostic Gospels are actually an ancient people’s attempt to warn us about an ongoing alien invasion/occupation by an interstellar race of bi-pedal reptilians. Because the Gnostics of 2000 years ago didn’t have the language and knowledge base to write about beings from other planets, they put it in terms of religion.

All the “ancient astronaut” garbage you see on terrible reality TV shows are rolled into this too. Instead of explaining why this wrong—how about I just link over to this 3-hour documentary called Ancient Aliens Debunked! Enjoy!!

The Secret Bloodlines of Jesus Are At The Core Of Gnosticism

Come on you must have heard this one, right? It pops up in all sorts of places but basically Jesus married Mary Magdalene, had a secret child who had to be protected because of their messianic bloodline, and this bloodline is the source of many royal families and rulers throughout history because their Jesus DNA is magic. The Gnostics knew all about this and encoded these secrets into their myths and texts.

This one’s a fun one to debunk, and I’ll do it all in one paragraph—though dig in and research if you’re interested, it’s a heck of a story: So, in the mid-20th century in France, a Nazi-loving convicted con man named Pierre Plantard concocted this story and placed a number of forged documents into public archives that supported this alternate history.


Because Pierre’s story and documents pointed to him as being the direct descendant of Jesus and possessing the purest line of this holy blood MEANING that Pierre Plantard was both the rightful king of France and possibly of the whole world. It didn’t work out as he hoped but his story has become a modern legend that’s worked into and recombined with a variety of different conspiracy theories and alternate histories.

Is there any I missed? Any conspiracty theories connected to Gnosticism that drive you crazy and I should know about them? Let me know in the comments below!!!

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